Dear Aunt Fern

[Editors comment: names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved. This is a small community after all. Reminder: People, please use some restraint!]


Dear Aunt Fern;
Please help me! Recently,the young Widow Dawson moved in next door to us. Needless to say, my husband Harry has been kind enough to go over and offer his assistance to her, should she require a man's touch around the place. It didn't take too long before Harry started going over there, regular like. I ask you, how many times does a stair-rail need fixing? Or a electrical outlet testing? She's a heathen! She doesn't go to a decent Church, like proper people should. She's a Roman Catholic! I'm at my wit's end. Harry reckon's I'm not being very Christian-like, but over he goes, with his toolbox, looking to fix whatever needs a-fixin. What should I do, Aunt Fern? Signed, Suffering Sally.


Dear Suffering Sally;
Well now, you have only your fool self to blame! Did I hear any mention of good Baptist manners and you greeting your new neighbor with a homemade pie and an invitation to Sunday worship? It's not too late, now! Go, get your self together and make the best pie you can, from scratch of course. Then clean yourself up, pull yourself together, and march yourself over there, lickityspit. Once you get your foot in the Widow's door, you can see for yourself what the attraction the place has for your fool husband. To my mind, she probably has the house filled with plaster saints and religious icons he's never seen before. Works of the the foolish mind. But it's up to you to lure her from her weak and silly ways. Invite her to a prayer meeting. Bring her to one of the potluck socials. Introduce her to some of the lovely young bachelor Baptist men of the area. Failing that, there are always the Methodists. Women need women's company and you have been neglecful in your Christian duty. Harry will see that he's not needed with you there. I'm sure his toolbox will stay at home once you undertake what is needed of you.

Yours,
Aunt Fern.