Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Emergency Response Team



Dear A Little Blue;
Our guess is this is the "Romantic aid" you were referring to. For most children, honesty is the best policy. Ask them what they want to know. The chances are they have already heard something at school. (At least the 8 year old probably has heard something on the playground and it is sure to be wildly inaccurate!) You are always the best source of information and you are certainly the best judge of how much your kids NEED to know. At age 8, your kiddo will probably be beginning to ask those awkward questions anyway, so a little information on ED could be wrapped into a Q&A session. The 6 year old is probably still at the very basic info stage: too much information too soon, and your little one could be the source of mis-information on the playground. You need to be the good source of information for your children. There are some wonderful books for you on how to deal with these issues out there. Please make your home the safe place to ask questions.

With love,
The Divas.

Dear Aunt Fern


Dear Aunt Fern:

I am just so flustered! While watching television with my family the other evening an advertisement came on for one of those aids to help gentlemen who may need some assistance in the 'romantic' areas of his life. When my children, ages 6 and 8 asked what the advertisement was about, my husband made matters worse by roaring with laughter and telling them that "Daddy will never need extra lead for his #2 Pencil."
What should I do? Signed, A Little Blue in Onaway.



Dear A Little Blue:
I'm not quite sure what all the fuss is about, Dear. If there was a nice advertisement to persuade gentlemen to be more romantic, then it's a good thing your children watched it with you. Children should know that romance need not leave a healthy marriage and your husband, while being a little on the cryptic side, was quite correct in supporting the idea. Roses, candy and prayer are the keystones to many a healthy relationship.
Yours,
Fern

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Diva's Emergency Response



Dear Ms. Klean,

Robert Browning said, "A man's reach must exceed his grasp or what's a heaven for?

We say: A man's reach must exceed his splash or what's a penis for?

The Divas

Aunt Fern's Reply

Dear Klean,

I discussed this question with my circle of friends years ago shortly after my marriage. It appears this is not an uncommon problem. Rather than nagging, try hanging a friendly reminder over the toilet seat.

"We aim to please, so you aim too, please"

Good luck, Klean!

Sincerely,

Aunt Fern

Dear Aunt Fern,

My husband always splashes pee all around my nice clean bathroom when he urinates. What can I do?

This is ruining our relationship!

Keeping Klean

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Response, Response



I agree, heartily!

Dammit, Janet.....

Love
Kennedy

Diva's Emergency Response



Dear Confused,

Well, damn!

Sincerely,

The Divas